2009 was filled with alot of "What if"s and alot of goodbye's too
Met people, made connections
Got into trouble, Got my ass kicked
Got paid, Partied
Overall 2009 was ohkay but it put a strain on me
2010- I know It'll be better, Maybe I'll find her, Plus I'm finally graduating!
Time to start the next chapter in my life.
Life is mysterious, funny, and heartbreaking. I'm just here making the best of it
Thursday, December 31, 2009
Pt. 6
5. Catherine
OMG!
Catherine was what I call "The sweetest girl"
The first days that I knew her over the summer were indescribable.
But after only one day, she fell for me.
After 2 days, we were watching harry potter and playing with each other kissing
After a week, well I'm goanna keep that private
But I felt like we lost touch, the feelings died, and after such a long time....I now know its my fault
When I finally got my head together, she was already out the door
Never to come back
OMG!
Catherine was what I call "The sweetest girl"
The first days that I knew her over the summer were indescribable.
But after only one day, she fell for me.
After 2 days, we were watching harry potter and playing with each other kissing
After a week, well I'm goanna keep that private
But I felt like we lost touch, the feelings died, and after such a long time....I now know its my fault
When I finally got my head together, she was already out the door
Never to come back
Pt. 5
4. Bianca
She's amazing
Myspace works miracles at times. It all started with a message, a weird one that made me think she was a stalker at first but it lead to something special and meaningful.
I fell in love again
After just a week I fell in love with her (sure that seems fast but It was love at first sight). The first day I was with her It was one of the best days of my life but as usual, relationships for me don't last too long. 3 days later she broke up with me and that shit hurt like a MOFO.
But she kept on comming back, and we kept talking. She still loved me but now its more like arguement after arguement and its all over the fone too and now...its like the feelings are gone. No more "I love you's" from her or nothing. Its sad to see this happen.
She's amazing
Myspace works miracles at times. It all started with a message, a weird one that made me think she was a stalker at first but it lead to something special and meaningful.
I fell in love again
After just a week I fell in love with her (sure that seems fast but It was love at first sight). The first day I was with her It was one of the best days of my life but as usual, relationships for me don't last too long. 3 days later she broke up with me and that shit hurt like a MOFO.
But she kept on comming back, and we kept talking. She still loved me but now its more like arguement after arguement and its all over the fone too and now...its like the feelings are gone. No more "I love you's" from her or nothing. Its sad to see this happen.
Pt. 4
3. Anabel / Supah
Yikes!
She's beautiful. Period
When I met her through myspace I thought she was just goanna be another girl on my friends list I don't talk to, but boy was I wrong. She made me feel for the first time in my life-Attractive (She's HOT! I didn't think a girl like her would ever like a guy like me). Things were great in the beginning, she even came to my job once and teased me by biting my ear while wearing lip gloss and then leaving me with a tap kiss. The attraction continued from there but things got rather sour as I like to say. She's kind of a jeaous person, which lead to me not talking to her for a while. Few months after June and alot of Screen names later we started talking again and then again we stoped talking . The same thing again until finally she offered me to be her bestie and I accepted. We were both still attracted to eachother though until I asked her out and she said yes-and then she dumped me about a day or 2 later over a damn AIM away! 2 weeks later I finally got through to her and asked her out again and she said yea but that only lasted 2 days. No lie I love that girl and I always will but I don't know what she wants me to do and I don't know what she wants me to be, everytime I hit her up now all I get is the away and thats it. I hate the feeling of "what if". I want her back :(
Yikes!
She's beautiful. Period
When I met her through myspace I thought she was just goanna be another girl on my friends list I don't talk to, but boy was I wrong. She made me feel for the first time in my life-Attractive (She's HOT! I didn't think a girl like her would ever like a guy like me). Things were great in the beginning, she even came to my job once and teased me by biting my ear while wearing lip gloss and then leaving me with a tap kiss. The attraction continued from there but things got rather sour as I like to say. She's kind of a jeaous person, which lead to me not talking to her for a while. Few months after June and alot of Screen names later we started talking again and then again we stoped talking . The same thing again until finally she offered me to be her bestie and I accepted. We were both still attracted to eachother though until I asked her out and she said yes-and then she dumped me about a day or 2 later over a damn AIM away! 2 weeks later I finally got through to her and asked her out again and she said yea but that only lasted 2 days. No lie I love that girl and I always will but I don't know what she wants me to do and I don't know what she wants me to be, everytime I hit her up now all I get is the away and thats it. I hate the feeling of "what if". I want her back :(
Pt. 3
2. Shanelle
Oh boy
I met Shanelle around January or Febuary, I really can't remember. I didn't really see her in person till April, I was with Natalie at the time though. When we talked that night on AIM I could've sworn she was flirting with me...and I liked it. Months passed and it was on and off talking until the summer came and it was like she was on her period everytime I hit her up. It came to a point where I said "I'm done!" and stopped talking to her for about 2 months. Then we started talking again out of the blue and it was awesome, we were getting to know eachother more and I could sense the attraction in both our eyes, She's the only girl I can see myself in a meaningful relationship but thats goanna take some time to develop. She's the only girl that can make me think at all the stupid things I do and correct them and make myself a better person. I see life in a different perspective when I'm with her. 2010 is goanna be a good year.
Oh boy
I met Shanelle around January or Febuary, I really can't remember. I didn't really see her in person till April, I was with Natalie at the time though. When we talked that night on AIM I could've sworn she was flirting with me...and I liked it. Months passed and it was on and off talking until the summer came and it was like she was on her period everytime I hit her up. It came to a point where I said "I'm done!" and stopped talking to her for about 2 months. Then we started talking again out of the blue and it was awesome, we were getting to know eachother more and I could sense the attraction in both our eyes, She's the only girl I can see myself in a meaningful relationship but thats goanna take some time to develop. She's the only girl that can make me think at all the stupid things I do and correct them and make myself a better person. I see life in a different perspective when I'm with her. 2010 is goanna be a good year.
Pt. 2
Confesions
The following people are the main people that made an Impact on my life this year (they're all girls by the way)
1. Natalie
Where can I start, this girl is amazing. The first and probably the only girl I let anyone hook me up with.
After only 2 weeks, I finally asked her out and we started going out, and I knew it was goanna last a long time. Then my idiot ass went and kissed someone else due to hormones, I confessed my deed to her and she dumped me on the spot. 4 hours later we were back together though but she never forgot about that and she broke up with me 2 weeks later. it lasted a month and 2 weeks, the longest I've ever been with a girl.
I'll never forget how happy I was with her.
The following people are the main people that made an Impact on my life this year (they're all girls by the way)
1. Natalie
Where can I start, this girl is amazing. The first and probably the only girl I let anyone hook me up with.
After only 2 weeks, I finally asked her out and we started going out, and I knew it was goanna last a long time. Then my idiot ass went and kissed someone else due to hormones, I confessed my deed to her and she dumped me on the spot. 4 hours later we were back together though but she never forgot about that and she broke up with me 2 weeks later. it lasted a month and 2 weeks, the longest I've ever been with a girl.
I'll never forget how happy I was with her.
Reflections, Confessions, And Thoughts Pt. 1
2010 is rite around the corner and I'm reflecting on many things
Mostly all thats happened this year and all the crap that I've been through
both good and bad.
My Highs and my Lows
The friends I've made and the friends I've lost
The girls I've kissed and the girls that simply just said "you're just a friend"
My thoughts are going down memory lane and its a weird place
Mostly all thats happened this year and all the crap that I've been through
both good and bad.
My Highs and my Lows
The friends I've made and the friends I've lost
The girls I've kissed and the girls that simply just said "you're just a friend"
My thoughts are going down memory lane and its a weird place
Tuesday, December 22, 2009
What do you want to do before you die?
So recently, I found out about these dudes who got their own show on Mtv (Its called The Buried Life btw) which premiers in january.
These dudes are pretty inspiring (not to mention kind of crazy too lol)
but besides that its what they're doing that inspires me. There out there doing the things they want to do, accomplishing a list of 100 things that they want to do before they die.
Now I know of a couple things I want to do before I kick the bucket but these guys basically opened my mind to what else I want to do. So I've started my own list of things I want to do but at the same time I'm asking people the same question they're asking and now i'm asking my audience
What do you want to do before you die?
If you want to do something big or go somewhere or do something that no one's ever done before, don't let anyone tell you no. Go out there and do it and if anyone does say you can't do it, then go rite to them and say "Bite my shiny metal ass!" (I really miss futurama)
Overall, I know I'll do everything on my list, no matter how crazy and almost impossible they may be.
here's how its comming out so far
1. Go to Tokyo!
2. Drive both a Bentley and a Lamborghini
3. Meet Jay-Z and rap with him
4. Produce a rap song
5. Rap with Lupe Fiasco!
6. Learn to rap!
7. Go to Fenway park
8. Go out to lunch with Obama
9. Challenge Chris Brown to a dance battle
10. Make-out with Rihanna-In public!
11. Party with all of Young Money
12. Make-out with Kim Kardashian
13. Walk up to the most beautiful girl I've ever seen and kiss her
14. Tell Kanye West that he's an asshole with very good music and bad taste in sneakers!
15. Go see burning man
16. Learn how to snowboard
17. Work out with Taylor Lautner
18. Work in a hollywood movie
19. Get chased by the cops! (idc what state)
20. Write a book
21. Croud surf at a concert
22. Throw the biggest college party ever!
23. Chill with Asher Roth
24. Go to the playboy mansion(for a week)
25. Watch a World Series at whatever stadium its being held
26. Race a football player
27. Learn how to Drift
28. Talk politics with Bill clinton
29. Swim with dolphins
30. Go to Vegas!
31. Buy a house or a loft
32. Get my Bachleor's and Master's degrees (and maybe my Ph.D too)
33. Fall in love
34. Volunteer at a childrens hospital
35. Learn how to play the electric guitar
36. Skydive from the empire state building
37. Start a mosh pit
38. Do stand up comedy
39. Star in an episode of family guy
40. Visit guantanamo bay (and come out alive)
41. Visit the great wall of china
These dudes are pretty inspiring (not to mention kind of crazy too lol)
but besides that its what they're doing that inspires me. There out there doing the things they want to do, accomplishing a list of 100 things that they want to do before they die.
Now I know of a couple things I want to do before I kick the bucket but these guys basically opened my mind to what else I want to do. So I've started my own list of things I want to do but at the same time I'm asking people the same question they're asking and now i'm asking my audience
What do you want to do before you die?
If you want to do something big or go somewhere or do something that no one's ever done before, don't let anyone tell you no. Go out there and do it and if anyone does say you can't do it, then go rite to them and say "Bite my shiny metal ass!" (I really miss futurama)
Overall, I know I'll do everything on my list, no matter how crazy and almost impossible they may be.
here's how its comming out so far
1. Go to Tokyo!
2. Drive both a Bentley and a Lamborghini
3. Meet Jay-Z and rap with him
4. Produce a rap song
5. Rap with Lupe Fiasco!
6. Learn to rap!
7. Go to Fenway park
8. Go out to lunch with Obama
9. Challenge Chris Brown to a dance battle
10. Make-out with Rihanna-In public!
11. Party with all of Young Money
12. Make-out with Kim Kardashian
13. Walk up to the most beautiful girl I've ever seen and kiss her
14. Tell Kanye West that he's an asshole with very good music and bad taste in sneakers!
15. Go see burning man
16. Learn how to snowboard
17. Work out with Taylor Lautner
18. Work in a hollywood movie
19. Get chased by the cops! (idc what state)
20. Write a book
21. Croud surf at a concert
22. Throw the biggest college party ever!
23. Chill with Asher Roth
24. Go to the playboy mansion(for a week)
25. Watch a World Series at whatever stadium its being held
26. Race a football player
27. Learn how to Drift
28. Talk politics with Bill clinton
29. Swim with dolphins
30. Go to Vegas!
31. Buy a house or a loft
32. Get my Bachleor's and Master's degrees (and maybe my Ph.D too)
33. Fall in love
34. Volunteer at a childrens hospital
35. Learn how to play the electric guitar
36. Skydive from the empire state building
37. Start a mosh pit
38. Do stand up comedy
39. Star in an episode of family guy
40. Visit guantanamo bay (and come out alive)
41. Visit the great wall of china
Daughters
I know a girl
She puts the color inside of my world
But she's just like a maze
Where all of the walls all continually change
And I've done all I can
To stand on her steps with my heart in my hands
Now I'm starting to see
Maybe it's got nothing to do with me
Fathers, be good to your daughters
Daughters will love like you do
Girls become lovers who turn into mothers
So mothers, be good to your daughters too
Oh, you see that skin?
It's the same she's been standing in
Since the day she saw him walking away
Now she's left
Cleaning up the mess he made
So fathers, be good to your daughters
Daughters will love like you do
Girls become lovers who turn into mothers
So mothers, be good to your daughters too
Boys, you can break
You'll find out how much they can take
Boys will be strong
And boys soldier on
But boys would be gone without the warmth from
A womans good, good heart
On behalf of every man
Looking out for every girl
You are the god and the weight of her world
So fathers, be good to your daughters
Daughters will love like you do
Girls become lovers who turn into mothers
So mothers, be good to your daughters too
(John Mayer is a genius!)
She puts the color inside of my world
But she's just like a maze
Where all of the walls all continually change
And I've done all I can
To stand on her steps with my heart in my hands
Now I'm starting to see
Maybe it's got nothing to do with me
Fathers, be good to your daughters
Daughters will love like you do
Girls become lovers who turn into mothers
So mothers, be good to your daughters too
Oh, you see that skin?
It's the same she's been standing in
Since the day she saw him walking away
Now she's left
Cleaning up the mess he made
So fathers, be good to your daughters
Daughters will love like you do
Girls become lovers who turn into mothers
So mothers, be good to your daughters too
Boys, you can break
You'll find out how much they can take
Boys will be strong
And boys soldier on
But boys would be gone without the warmth from
A womans good, good heart
On behalf of every man
Looking out for every girl
You are the god and the weight of her world
So fathers, be good to your daughters
Daughters will love like you do
Girls become lovers who turn into mothers
So mothers, be good to your daughters too
(John Mayer is a genius!)
Silence
you was standing here
but we were miles apart
you were distant lost these feelings
held together by a promise
that was fleeting
we were standing barely touching
barely talking barely listening
to the fact that
we were broken
by the words we never said
by the things you never did
by the time we never spent
fixing what we had
(By my best friend Karen)
but we were miles apart
you were distant lost these feelings
held together by a promise
that was fleeting
we were standing barely touching
barely talking barely listening
to the fact that
we were broken
by the words we never said
by the things you never did
by the time we never spent
fixing what we had
(By my best friend Karen)
Wednesday, December 16, 2009
What do I have to be?!!
Tell me, how many times in your lives have you heard the line from either guy or a girl (mostly girls though)
"I only like you as a friend" ???
For me that is 1 of the everlasting phrases that follows me and haunts me and pisses me off. WTF do I have to be for you to like me? why don't you like the person you see in front of you?
When a person usually says that, it means they're not interested and just wants to keep you as a "friend", wow. It simply astounds me at the number of times i've heard this damn line throughout my entire life.
It gets me so angry sometimes mostly due to the fustration that builds up inside of me when the person I want rejects me and goes for some jackass who they know pretty well won't treat them rite.
Don't get me wrong, sometimes i'm just too shy to approach women or even say anything to them so thats my fault, but when I do I let them know why i'm the one for them.
But its never enough.
Ppl always give me the same shitty advice, either if its to change myself to be like most guys or just to wait for the rite girl to come but I will never, I repeat, NEVER! change who I am, not that I can't but I just don't feel like I have to be like the average male just to please any girl.
This is how I feel everytime a girl tells me this. Every single time.
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!
(BTW: yes I was angry when I wrote this, but I finally spoke my mind on this matter)
"I only like you as a friend" ???
For me that is 1 of the everlasting phrases that follows me and haunts me and pisses me off. WTF do I have to be for you to like me? why don't you like the person you see in front of you?
When a person usually says that, it means they're not interested and just wants to keep you as a "friend", wow. It simply astounds me at the number of times i've heard this damn line throughout my entire life.
It gets me so angry sometimes mostly due to the fustration that builds up inside of me when the person I want rejects me and goes for some jackass who they know pretty well won't treat them rite.
Don't get me wrong, sometimes i'm just too shy to approach women or even say anything to them so thats my fault, but when I do I let them know why i'm the one for them.
But its never enough.
Ppl always give me the same shitty advice, either if its to change myself to be like most guys or just to wait for the rite girl to come but I will never, I repeat, NEVER! change who I am, not that I can't but I just don't feel like I have to be like the average male just to please any girl.
This is how I feel everytime a girl tells me this. Every single time.
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!
(BTW: yes I was angry when I wrote this, but I finally spoke my mind on this matter)
Tuesday, December 15, 2009
Do You Remember?
Do you remember me?
The Boy whose emotions you tore apart, whose heart you set on fire
you walked away with another guy while I stayed alone
you don't know how much you hurt me, the pain you caused me
but now the tides have turned, now its you who wants me
but i've learned from my mistakes and my heartbreak which in turn has made me a Man
so now I don't need you, now its your turn to cry your ass off
and when you cry yourself to sleep, i'll be there to say...
Do you remember?
The Boy whose emotions you tore apart, whose heart you set on fire
you walked away with another guy while I stayed alone
you don't know how much you hurt me, the pain you caused me
but now the tides have turned, now its you who wants me
but i've learned from my mistakes and my heartbreak which in turn has made me a Man
so now I don't need you, now its your turn to cry your ass off
and when you cry yourself to sleep, i'll be there to say...
Do you remember?
Thoughts
looking at the waves today on a Newport beach made me think alot
mainly about how my life is going rite now
from school to girls to what the hell I want for christmas
the waves just calmed me down and relaxed me
(good thing no one asked me what was wrong)
other than that I just found the 1 word that defies me when I'm around a woman
Shy-Drawing back from contact or familiarity with others; retiring or reserved. (thnx dictionary.com)
this is whats running through my mind rite now
DocOut
Wednesday, December 9, 2009
I feel somewhat stupid
a couple of things i've figured out about myself:
1. The girls I want sometimes don't want me(97% of the my life its like that), then there are girls who do want me but I just don't like them.
I feel like theres some irony there but I don't know where.
2. I can't seem to find a girl that I can be in a relationship with for more than 2 to 3 fuckin weeks! (excuse my mood)
3. The whole "I only like you as a friend" shit really gets old and its starting to get me pissed too....but then again,its no one's fault. you can't force someone to like you. one of the many rules of life.
So what is a guy to do when the odds are against him?
???
sigh
I feel stupid
1. The girls I want sometimes don't want me(97% of the my life its like that), then there are girls who do want me but I just don't like them.
I feel like theres some irony there but I don't know where.
2. I can't seem to find a girl that I can be in a relationship with for more than 2 to 3 fuckin weeks! (excuse my mood)
3. The whole "I only like you as a friend" shit really gets old and its starting to get me pissed too....but then again,its no one's fault. you can't force someone to like you. one of the many rules of life.
So what is a guy to do when the odds are against him?
???
sigh
I feel stupid
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